Interlude: An Ode to Australian Airports

At first, I was terrified. Why has no one asked for my ID? How do you know I actually AM Katie Rose Reynolds, and not some evil megalomaniacal impostor (I’m afraid to use the terr**ist word in conjunction with airports, even when simply writing about them. TSA, you have won)? What do you mean, I don’t have to take my shoes off? And I can keep my water in my bottle? But what if it’s explosive water! Why are you all smiling at me, and not brandishing guns and attack dogs? I carefully packed those tiny 3 ounce containers in a ziplock bag, you damn well better look at them!

Then, I was bemused. You mean to say that we’re going to board through the front and rear doors? How quick and efficient you are! You even trust us to walk out to the quaint little stairs that lead up to the back door, you devils you. And what is this strange music that you play in the plane before take off and after landing? No, I did not know that “The Best Aphrodisiac Is Loneliness”; thank you Australian airplane muzak for teaching me new things. Clearly, you don’t know that you’re supposed to feed me stale pretzels, or, preferably, nothing at all. While I am delighted by this chocolate mousse with raspberry sauce, I somehow feel that you just didn’t get the memo, and at any moment you may rip it out of my hands. Pardon me if I clutch it to my breast and eat it in greedy mouthfuls while allowing my eyes to dart furtively at anyone who comes to close. 

Then, I fell in love, because you, Australian airports, actually allow families to say goodbye to each other at the gates, and greet each other, with all the hugs and tears and balloons and banners that this implies, at the gates. Arriving and departing, I feel like I’m living in Love Actually, and we all know that anyone who says they don’t like that movie is lying. Australian airports, you are doing it right, and thank you for reminding me that airports are not actually an alternate circle of soul-sucking hell, but places of homecoming and adventure and chocolate mousse. Now please give me another pudding cup.